Feb
09
2010

Valentine’s Day: All My Thoughts

390242855_a107ca92ceValentine’s day looms and I’ve deftly avoided the topic by not posting new stuff lately. Brilliant!

But I guess it’s time for my annual rant against the Big Machine and the perpetuation of the belief that, hey, if it’s love, it’s worth going broke for.

I know men buy gifts because they feel obligated. I know women usually like receiving the gifts. I just wish both sides of this equation would get over the bullshit and just accept it’s not really doing a lot of good for either of them.

Relationships die because either people change or they just don’t want to work on the relationship anymore. Not because a diamond ring wasn’t forthcoming soon enough. Read More »

By A Scribe Called Steff | Posted in Dimestore Philosophy, Opinion (Editorial & Commentary), Society, Steff Rants, keeping it real | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Comments (1)
Feb
06
2010

10 Years On: Rembering My Dead Mother

I haven’t been funny in days.

I’m moody and full of vitamin-Cunt tonight.

I couldn’t figure it out.

What’s eating me? Why am I spiralling into a darker and darker place? Why do I hate the idea of attending any of the 3 parties to which I was invited tonight? Why does the idea of just being civil to others fill me with a questionable revulsion I can’t fathom?

Why? Why? Why? Read More »

By A Scribe Called Steff | Posted in Autobiographical, Being me, Dimestore Philosophy, Journalling, Specifically Steff, keeping it real | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Comments (5)
Jan
30
2010

Superbowl Ad Controversy: ARE YOU JOKING?

00030410Stop the sanctimony, PLEASE.

You know why CBS should have rejected the Mancrunch ad? BECAUSE IT’S A FUCKING STUPID AD.

It’s bad acting, bad writing, cheap filming, lame directing, and zero spent on production values.

The Superbowl is where the best commercials in the world come to play, not stupid frat-boy humour shot for $20 and a bag of Kush, all right? Read More »

By A Scribe Called Steff | Posted in Current Events, Gay or Straight?, Hollywood, Steff Rants | Tagged , , , , , , | Comments (4)
Jan
29
2010

RANT: Labels Kill Sexuality

Four years ago I wrote a posting about cheating and in it I had a little rant about being called an “older woman” by the letter-writer when I was only 32. The posting is here, and today I deleted a comment that referred to the rant-within-the-posting with this comment that I’ve chosen to delete for its stupidity:

“The sound of a cougars claws slipping down the slope called age.”

That was the comment in its entirety, aside from quoting the entire paragraph under the blockquote-box’s question.

It pissed me off. Why?

I’m the anti-cougar. Read More »

By A Scribe Called Steff | Posted in Communication, Lifestyle, Modern Feminism, Opinion (Editorial & Commentary), Oral Sex, Specifically Steff, Uncategorized, keeping it real, sexuality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments (5)
Jan
27
2010

There’s A Post-Injury World I Live In

And it’s somewhere in between Uncertainland and Hopeville.

Most of it is of my own doing, too. Having burnt out with EVERYTHING last July, I just walked away from most of my obligations, organized  fitness, and social life. It’s been EXACTLY what I needed to do, but my back has been iffy from time to time as a result.

Fortunately, I’ve always sort of maintained my core to the bare minimum, and have had a lot of improvement with my back. It’s better, FAR better, now than it was last July when burn-out hit me.

I’m back, baby, and my back’s considering coming back too. I began last week with the simple goal of being active daily — not much, just enough. I’d started inconsistently the week before, but last week did honour my commitment to doing something physical on each day — even if only for 15 or 20 minutes. By the week’s end, I seized the day and had an 80 minute cycling adventure.

The last three days have been filled with uncertain moments for my back, though. Twinges and tightness, pricks and pains. I’ve been so looking forward to chiro. I’ve also been torn — do I rest this, or do I work it out? Resting wasn’t really working out for me, so I decided to pick up the weights. Read More »

By A Scribe Called Steff | Posted in Being me, Specifically Steff, fitness, keeping it real | Tagged , , , , , , | Comments (1)
Jan
23
2010

A Moment of Clarity, A Project to Start

59537631-fbbb893de7cb57321e22b694255a8429.4b5ba2dc-fullI’m at the tail-end of a ceremonial shot of Jack Daniels. I’m celebrating.

This past week, I’ve figured out a structure for my book, and the start of the order of content and how to make it marketably different from most of the non-fiction offerings out there.

I want my book to be profoundly literate. I want it to be the best thing I ever write. It has to reflect all I’ve accomplished so far, and all I’ll accomplish in the next two years, as I finish this life-change dream I cooked up in the fall of 2007.

Whoa! Holditaminutethere! What book?

Right. When I decided I wanted to change my life, I also promised myself that, if I got even halfway where I dreamed of getting, I’d write a book about my journey. Read More »

By A Scribe Called Steff | Posted in Autobiographical, Being me, Journalling, Specifically Steff, keeping it real, writing | Tagged , , , , , , , | Comments (0)
Jan
21
2010

Life x Hard = A Given

“Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. By god, you learn.” -C.S. Lewis.

This year, when adversities come your way — and they will — remember that quote.

That’s the one piece of knowledge that has gotten me through every experience in my life. Read More »

By A Scribe Called Steff | Posted in Dimestore Philosophy, Opinion (Editorial & Commentary), Society | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments (1)
Jan
20
2010

Realism is Your Friend

Today, I’m taking my bike for a crappy beautiful little ride to work. By “crappy” I mean that it probably will burn 18.9 calories or something, and provide no real benefit other than kinetic movement for a bit.

But calorie burning and world-domination isn’t my goal this morning. My goal’s pretty simple this week — I don’t care at all if I lose weight or gain tone or burn fat. This week, it’s just about routine-establishing. Every day, a little something active. Every day, two healthy meals at least. Every day, the house is spotless before work and before bed. This is all I wish to achieve this week — routine. Read More »

By A Scribe Called Steff | Posted in Uncategorized | Comments (0)
Jan
19
2010

Why I Love My ADHD

I’m going to be writing more about ADHD over the next while. I started last week with this posting here.

Seems to me too many people are all shame-filled about their ADHD. What the fuck is that about?

Here, take your stereotypes and shove it. Know what my ADHD doesn’t make me do? It doesn’t make me run around like I’ve had 42 coffees and have been mainlining coke and adrenaline, all right? It doesn’t mean I freak out on people. It doesn’t mean I can’t have a conversation with you. It doesn’t mean I can’t get to appointments punctually. It doesn’t mean I can’t be an awesome employee.

What it DOES mean is, I have organizational challenges that negatively impact my life and leave me predisposed to feeling overwhelmed and constantly daunted by the life in front of me. But that’s biochemical. Read More »

By A Scribe Called Steff | Posted in Autobiographical, Being me, Education, Journalling, Specifically Steff, Twitter, Uncategorized, adhd, writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Comments (5)
Jan
18
2010

RANT: “Whine, Whine. #FML! Fuck My Life!”

ED. NOTE: This posting is meant for people who say “FML” and mean it. Like they say, people love the internet because they get to whine on it, and that’s fine. Go ahead, grumble. Just be interesting about it! And don’t be some snivelling fuckwit hyperbolizing and going “FML” because you woke up 30 minutes before your alarm, all right? I don’t care about grumbling, but I _hate_ the saying “FML”. Which is why we’re at this dance. Shall we?

Oh. And this may contain swearwords. Be careful of your fragile little vocabulary thresholds now.

fuck_you-1Trendy these days is the acronym “FML”, short for “Fuck My Life.”

No, fuck your attitude if you’re saying that crap.

Forgetting your lunch is not “FML.” Having to deal with a friend you find annoying because you’re too pussy to deal with it, that’s not “FML”.

That’s “fuck, I’m dumb” or “fuck, I’m a pussy.” You’re to blame either way. That ain’t “FML”.

I’ve been pissed off about seeing “FML” all the time for quite a while now. I see it from spoiled rich kids who have a bad day, or people with ordinary lives who have victim complexes about every little thing that happens. I see it from people with more good luck in a week than I’ve seen in a year sometimes, too. I see it from people who blurt it without really thinking about what it means a lot. People are whining on Twitter about forgetting their lunch and tagging the comment with FML. Seriously?

And this week, THIS WEEK, I’m done.

Shut the fuck up. Read More »

By A Scribe Called Steff | Posted in Dimestore Philosophy, Humour, Life 101, Opinion (Editorial & Commentary), Society, Steff Rants, Twitter, existentialism, keeping it real | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Comments (11)
Jan
14
2010

In Which Steff Talks About Her ADHD

I found out last Friday that my company’s letting us work from home when the Winter Olympics rolls into town in a couple weeks. My office is in the thick of Olympics Central in downtown Vancouver, between the major “live event” locations and all the sports stadiums. I was already having panic attacks about getting to work in what planners suggest will be the same volume of traffic influx daily as THREE Superbowls would generate, with possible two-hour waits just to get a train. (I died a little inside when I heard that.)

But working from home? Like, omigod. Discipline will be tough, but a deadline is a deadline, and my work has tangible starts-middles-finishes, with daily deadlines, since I watch television and caption it for a living.

My biggest struggle I face right now is not my weight; my weight is partially a byproduct of my ADHD — because ADHD causes problems with maintaining a routine or even achieving one, but also makes me prone to becoming hyperfocused on whatever I’m doing at any time — like eating.

Because I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD for well under a year, it’s been a massive learning curve — Read More »

By A Scribe Called Steff | Posted in Being me, Hygiene & Health, Journalling, Specifically Steff, keeping it real | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Comments (12)
Jan
08
2010

From There to Here

In 2007, I spent 7 months working for a toxic employer.

By the time I left my job, I was close to the highest I’ve ever weighed, at my most negative and always whining, feeling sorry for myself, and feeling pretty hopeless about everything, especially about writing, which I’d been sucking at for nearly a year at that point.

I quit that job, even though I was always taught leaving a job in less than a year was a crime I’d be judged heavily for. I realized  one day in August that, if I didn’t leave, it’d be the end of any Steff I ever knew; I was approaching the negativity point of no return. Read More »

By A Scribe Called Steff | Posted in Being me, Dimestore Philosophy, Journalling, Opinion (Editorial & Commentary), Self-Love & Self-Esteem, Specifically Steff, existentialism, keeping it real, writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments (2)
Jan
07
2010

Bittersweet Winter Mornings & Their Longings

A little after waking, a furiously beautiful sunrise lit my little part of the world up. Red, red, red, as far as the eye could see. Fire on the horizon, exploding across the cottony clouds that spread west over the Pacific.

Some shivers, some cold toes, but it was worth heading out to stand on my balcony and marvel over nature, if even too briefly.

I’m reaching my winter tether’s end. My sanity is tattered, my resolve weakening.

I want Spring. Read More »

By A Scribe Called Steff | Posted in General, Journalling, Specifically Steff | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Comments (0)
Jan
04
2010

Cashing My Reality Check

Whew. Here we are. January 4, 2010.

I’d given myself a good excuse not to write this morning: “I don’t feel like it”; but now I feel like I need to put some stuff down. Not for you, not because I said I’d try to write 10 pieces on Getting Shit Done in 2010, but because I just need to say a few things to myself, for myself. You’re just the fly on the wall.

I’m genuinely daunted by all I know stands before me this year. I’m scared as fuck about what it is I hope I will have accomplished when I’m standing on this date come next year. Read More »

By A Scribe Called Steff | Posted in Journalling, Specifically Steff, fitness, keeping it real, weight loss | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments (1)
Jan
03
2010

A Break From the Frou-Frou Love-Thyself Shit

Let’s all embrace pettiness for a little bit before we continue the mad march to being better people. I know we’re all pissed we return to work tomorrow. Embrace it! Enjoy this little weird Twitter clash from last week.

So, the night before New Year’s Eve, I was up, unable to sleep, hanging on Twitter. Chatter had broke out about Rush Limbaugh. I aired my stance, that I just didn’t give a fuck if Rush Limbaugh died. This isn’t the same as “DIE, FUCKER, DIE!” It’s more, “You know what? He’s an asshole. He tries to divide the world. From that standpoint, his absence wouldn’t be a bad thing. In real life, maybe he’s a good guy. So, ahh, whatever.”

But this NUTBAG right-wing chick jumps on me, starts saying all this weird shit. (I identify her as insane first, right-wing second.)

I know a lot of people like screen shots of Twitter fights, but I don’t want to be dealing with fallout from this shit ad nauseum, so I refuse to tell you her Twitter handle or show you her avatar. Fuck her if she wants to be 12 and prolong this. I’m done with this 12-year-old shit, but I’m sharing. Read More »

By A Scribe Called Steff | Posted in Steff Rants, Twitter | Tagged , , | Comments (6)
Jan
02
2010

10 for 2010: Mindset for the Munch-Challenge

Weightloss is one of those things. Some fail at it — or almost succeed then fail — repeatedly until they finally Get It. The disease of morbid obesity, or even the dreaded beer-belly syndrome, is almost always as a result of one or both of two things: ignorance or lack of accounting.

Me, I was both ignorant of just how bad my diet was, and dishonest about to what extent I was misbehaving. That was then. Now I’m only ever guilty of the  lack of accounting. Ignorance isn’t such a problem anymore.

But that’s the thing with weightloss. Everyone talks like it’s only about the diet or the exercise, but, for me, the head game’s been at least 50%, maybe more, of my success.

I doubt I’m alone on that. Read More »

By A Scribe Called Steff | Posted in Eating Disorder, Hygiene & Health, Life 101, fitness, keeping it real, weight loss | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments (2)
Jan
01
2010

10 for 2010: Programming My Life for Health Success

Prologue

Today, it’s the start of a whole new thang. It’s 2010.

This is a loosey-goosey promise ‘cos we all know weeks can go off-the-hook in a hurry, but I’m gonna try my damnedest to have 10 days of 2010 — postings big or small about either reflecting on the Year That Was or projecting on The Year to Be. They’re not written yet, hence the iffyness of my promise, but it’s exciting to think what crazy direction such an unplanned writing promise could lead me in. I prefer writing such things in the thick of the moment; it’s more honest and raw when I do. Here’s hoping. :)

The Meat

Here in Vancouver, Canada, it’s Olympics time. The big winter show rolls in this February. Everyone’s gonna get higher, faster, higher, stronger. Citius, altius, fortius, baby.

2009, my goal was to continue my weightloss and take another 50 pounds off, like I had in ‘08. Unfortunately… Read More »

By A Scribe Called Steff | Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments (5)
Dec
23
2009

My Memories of Christmas

imageI’ve decided to do a sentimental posting in honour of Christmas.

I don’t have a lot going on this year, but that’s how I wanted it… too many plans would have me emotionally overwhelmed. I’d rather think “My, those two weeks look empty. I’ll have to drum up some fun” rather than “Jesus, what have I done? Don’t I have any time to myself?” Definitely a better way to go.

And since I don’t feel as stressed as I have for the last decade, I’m enjoying the feeling of the season more than I have since I was a kid. I’ve also gained a lot of distance between the loss of my mom and how much I tied her to the season. I still do, but in a different way.

Now I find myself reflecting on holidays over the years, and thought you might enjoy hearing some of the tales. In no particular order… Read More »

By A Scribe Called Steff | Posted in Autobiographical, Best of Steff, Journalling, Specifically Steff | Comments (4)
Dec
20
2009

Thoughts On Brittany Murphy, Death, & Anorexia

Rumour has it that Brittany Murphy is dead at 32 from cardiac arrest.

Heart attack, in case you didn’t know, is one of the most common demises after long battles with eating disorders. Why?
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“When anorexia has become this severe, the heart is often damaged. Not only is there not enough body fat to keep internal organs like the heart protected, but anemia, which weakens the blood, and the poor circulation which results in a lower body temperature means that the heart is unable to pump and circulate blood as effectively as it might otherwise. The loss of muscle mass can also apply to the heart, meaning that the muscles of the heart can physically weaken, and an overall drop in blood pressure and pulse can contribute to slower breathing rates. Unfortunately, if not remedied, these risks can lead to death.”

- Excerpt found here.

Read More »

By A Scribe Called Steff | Posted in Eating Disorder, Hollywood, Hygiene & Health, Life 101, Loving and Knowing Yourself, Modern Feminism, Opinion (Editorial & Commentary), Self-Love & Self-Esteem, Society, Steff Rants, keeping it real, weight loss | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Comments (8)
Dec
17
2009

Writing about Writing

Let me just say this before I get too far into my thoughts here:

  1. I know Canada is small, with about 10% of the US population.
  2. I doubt many people vote in the Canadian Blog Awards.
  3. I’ve checked my in-box, and I’ve still not heard from the Pulitzer Committee.

And yet I’ll write this.

______________

The Canadian Blog Awards nomination for Best Personal Blog in Canada, let alone making it to round 2, has taken me a little by surprise. [Since I didn't nominate myself and found out about it via someone else quite after-the-fact.]

It’s not taking me by surprise because I don’t believe in my writing talent, though.

Why, then? Because I’m kind of apathetic about being read. NO, NO, COME BACK. I don’t mean by YOU.
Read More »

By A Scribe Called Steff | Posted in Being me, Dimestore Philosophy, Journalling, Opinion (Editorial & Commentary), Specifically Steff, keeping it real, writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Comments (1)
Dec
16
2009

Things to Remember This Christmas

steff's christmas card 2006 resizedSince 1998, I’ve had every kind of Christmas imaginable. Lonely, magnificent, rich, broke, injured, healthy, in love, out of love. Had ‘em all.

I was raised to believe in the magic of Christmas. We’d have a houseful of people singing carols, Dad would make his famous cardiac eggnog, the house was full of decorations and laughter, and us kids would even have visits from Santa, who brought every child there a gift. It really was magical.

When my mother died in 1999, I was pretty sure Christmas would never feel that Magical again. And, yeah, I was right — it hasn’t. But my life isn’t over, and “dreams” don’t always have to be big, flashy, and involve a credit card. Sometimes they can just be about getting back to the heart of what made your life wonderful and good once. Read More »

By A Scribe Called Steff | Posted in Current Events, General, Opinion (Editorial & Commentary), Society, Specifically Steff, keeping it real | Tagged , , , , , , , | Comments (2)
Dec
15
2009

Canadian Blog Awards: Round Deux!

Oh, lookie!

I’ve made it to Round Two of the Canadian Blog Awards with my nomination for Best Personal Blog in Canada.

COOL. Want to help me win? Vote again! :) You can do that HERE.

If you don’t do it for my writing, do it because I have an infected vampire bite on my neck (okay, maybe it was a spider, or maybe it’s just a mystery wound) and I’m on antibiotics and I’m riddled with the flu and and and…

Okay, no, do it because you like my writing. That’s a very, very lovely reason.

Thank you for your support. :)

By A Scribe Called Steff | Posted in Being me | Tagged , | Comments (3)