The average North American is two paychecks away from potentially living on the street. I’ve been a little too close to that precipice, myself, as I’ve been waiting to hear about some money owed to me by the government, et cetera. Earlier today, I was sitting on my couch, near tears, terrified of whether or not I’d be able to make rent. My landlords are hard-asses and have no leniency for folks who are late with rent, since there’ve been a few deadbeats pass through this building before.
The utter fear, absolute fear that comes from just Not Knowing is a terrible, terrible thing. If you’ve never been in this situation, you’ll just never understand. Too many people are far too cynical about those of us who’ve been thrust into money problems. All it takes is one bad break, one moment of bad luck, and no one around to help, and you can find your ass on the pavement.
There’s a divide out there, between Those Who Know and Those With No Clue. The thinking for the Clueless is, “Oh, but there are jobs. They’re everywhere. With a little determination and creativity, they can solve their problems.”
Yeah, well, sure. Pie-in-the-sky, it’d be that easy. One wink and a swish of my magical wand, and I’d make this all go away. But then there’s this place the rest of us live in, it’s called Reality. Reality is, an $8-an-hour job won’t fucking cut it, not with bills, not with student debts, not with health issues. Reality is, it’s just not that easy — not for most people.
I was hit then by these heaving sobs of terror — probably compounded by the fact that I’m sitting around with a fever, shivers, a pounding head, and a knowledge that I couldn’t work right now even if I wanted to. I’m completely sick and miserable, and if I were to get out to the world for work, well, I’d have to go through the torrents of wind and rain forecasted tonight, on the public transit, since I’ve not got a car to protect me from the elements.
And the fact is, finding the “getting by” jobs is easier for men.* They can go and do manual labour, which pays considerably more than the average job a woman can find to “get by” — ie, waitressing, secretarial, etc, which are all relatively low-paying.
I swallowed my pride, wrote a “Please, for the love of god, if you love what I do, support me and donate money…” post for this Smutty rag, and it occured to me — “call the government folks and see what’s up,” which I was told wouldn’t be decided before NEXT Friday.
So, a cheerful woman takes my call, looks into my case, and bubbles over effusively with, “Oh, everything’s great! You’ll be getting checks dating back to February 24th, probably by Monday!”
And I broke down, like a fucking child, sobbing and thanking this utter stranger for what is, undoubtedly, the best news I’ve had in weeks. Fear… what a terribly powerful emotion. What a horrible, horrible thing to be under the thumb of.
So, I deleted my pride-less begging message, and here I am.
I am, without a doubt, an incredibly smart and employable person — and don’t think I don’t fucking know it — but I’m also a person who fell on a little bad timing, a little too much governmental delay, and for a bit there, a person who was in danger of some Bad Shit coming down.
I had my finances depleted after a couple unstable years in the film industry, when work dried up and I had to find my food sources on my own. My savings got eaten, and suddenly, my safety net disappeared, and without credit, there’s not a fuck of a lot I was able to do. It’s just dumb fucking luck, and if you’re lucky, you’ll never experience it yourself.
There are those out there with far fewer marketable skills than I, with nowhere else to turn, who are at the mercy of fate and happenstance, and they’re being neglected — not just by you, but by society and by the government. I’m not saying everyone deserves a free pass, but for fuck’s sake, sometimes a leg-up is all that it takes. If you can provide one, then do so.
Employers, unfortunately, all too often lack the creativity to see some people’s potential beyond their present fortunes. Me, I’ve never been in that boat, and god willing, I never will be. My situation’s looking considerably brighter, and now my sick ass is able to focus on the only responsibility I should have to focus on: Getting well.
*I’ve been called on this statement. All right, well, there are guys who can’t do manual labour ever, and it really sucks to be them, since they probably have even fewer options than women due to steretypes. Here in Vancouver, though, the statement’s true. We have more housing starts than any other city in North America, if I’m remembering my facts right. Our labour laws are pretty favourable for guys working in that industry, and besides that, we have a lot of industrial work, most of which starts at $15 an hour or more. If I’ve pissed anyone off, then so be it. I guess being sick results in my being a little less perceptive than normal. Such is life. We write what we know, and what I know is what it’s like here in my teeny, tiny corner of Canada.
9 Comments
Hope you feel better.
You have our support.
I hate the hand to fist living.
Been there done that and had the freak out as well. It sucks.
And I hated the people that said there were ‘tons’ of jobs. I’d have needed 2 1/2 of those jobs to cover rent and bills and food without a stitch of fun.
I’m sorry, but finding a “getting by” job isn’t any easier for the men. Let me tell you a little story.
I live with my roomate with average monthly expenses that’s pushing the poverty line. The vast majority of that money goes to just paying rent.
While it’s true that men can go out and get any manual labor job, around here that means paying far below minimum wages (they get away with it thanks to some loophole) for backbreaking work and never knowing if you’re going to have a job from one day to the next because of the nature of the job.
I can type upwards of 150wpm, I can run any office software on any machine, and fix any hardware that happens to be broken. I have two separate degrees that basically equate to “office bitch skills”. But because I’m not a woman, I can’t get any office job and I’ve been told exactly that by more than one prospective employer. I can’t even get a job in a restaurant for the same reason! In my little college town, these are the only jobs that pay more than basic living costs.
So I end up spending just as much time looking for jobs as I do actually working because I don’t have the tits required to land any steady work. I’m sorry, but don’t try the “men always have it easier” line, because it really doesn’t work that way.
And you know what? Despite all the bullshit I have to put up with, I’m decently content with my life. I don’t understand all these people around me who need 200 bucks a *week* for beer money, paying of leases for brand new cars, and taking vacations every month. All this rampant consumerist bullshit just baffles me. People around me piss and moan about their money troubles and all I can think is “I could live comfortably on the money you spend on beer each month. Don’t come to me looking for sympathy.”
Okay, so I got off on a bit of a tangent. What I’m trying to say here is that the grass always looks greener on the other side, but everyone’s got problems. If it makes you feel better to point at someone else and say “They have it so much easier, feel sorry for me”, that’s great for you. Just don’t expect too much in the way of sympathy.
Emissary –
All right, well, there’s geography causing differences then.
First, I feel like you’re implying I’m spending a couple hundred on booze a week, when the fact is, as soon as money problems loomed, I stopped buying booze and/or pot or whatever it is I do for kicks, but even in the SUNSHINE-IEST of times, I might spend $30 a week on wine, etc. I’ve been living within my means for a couple years now.
Second, we write what we know. What I know is, I live in a town with a LOT of construction. More homes are being built here in Vancouver than probably any other place in North America right now, so yes, there are more “getting by” jobs for men than women.
YOUR scenario sucks, and again, that comes down to employers lacking creativity and vision, like I said at the end of my thingie.
I haven’t bought steaks for at least, probably, six weeks now. I watch every penny. I haven’t seen a movie in the theatres since well before Christmas. I bought no Christmas presents for anyone except my nephew. I’ve been super-vigilant for quite awhile.
I resent the people who spend a couple hundred bucks a week on booze, too. The cool kids with gadget addictions piss me off.
And yes, I should have qualified my statement on men having it easier, but I didn’t. I guess my high fever and everything else I’m feeling today has left me a tad less perceptive than I might normally be.
I’ll edit the stupid thing now, so I don’t piss anyone else off, but geographically, here in Van — and probably every other major metropolitan region — there are indeed jobs that pay a hell of a lot more for men. They are indeed manual labour. Again, it’s geography — jobs pay more in Canada in general than they do in the States. That’s just life.
oh, and by the way, i’ve not been “feeling sorry” for myself anyhow. i know people in far worse straights than i, but i’d have been a fucking moron not to be concerned. seeing reality for what it is is pragmatic, not whiney or whatever it is.
most days, i’m pretty fucking grateful for what i’ve got. i’ve seen worse times, and money normally works out. this time, just a little too close for comfort, and nowhere to turn.
it’s embarrassing to write about it, honestly, but as we all know, it’s not that uncommon a situation for someone to be in, and i’m not any more special than anyone else… i just have the ability to write about it and share the experience. if someone feels a little more like others understand what they’re going through tonight, then i’ve done my job.
writing’s about the common human experience, and yeah, i have no illusions — i’m just another chick with tight pursestrings. that’s all it is.
JAG — yeah, fun, huh? i’ve just been waiting for the gov’t to finalize the re-opening of my employment insurance, but it’s been a one-month wait that turned into 5 weeks. i had enough savings left for about four weeks. whew. freaky.
anon — aw, shucks, thanks.
Hi steff,
I’m a recent regular. Felt driven to comment today since I’ve found your writing (particularly “Weekend Blues” :) comforting in the past.
I was in Calgary for school the last handful of years, and I remember the desperation of being poor in a rich country. I’d get by on less than C$500/month including rent.
With the passing of 2005 I found myself racking up the firsts:
- First degree
- First paycheque
- First car
- First “own place”
- First perm
- First trip to Europe (work-related, but I took it and ran)
My situation’s a little better now, but I wanted to thank you for reminding me of those days of occasionally paralysing fear.
We lose perspective and hopefully recover it, over and over again.
- me.
Been there, done that, went a step farther. Ended up on a friend’s couch for a year in my mid-20’s struggling to pay my bills after quitting the casino industry (which had been sucking my soul away), plus my ex coming after me for child support above and beyond our agreement. At one point in time, I came close to just packing up and splitting- heading back east, maybe Toronto, maybe Montreal, get a new job, a new life, leave it all behind.
I think the only reason I didn’t is because it’s what my dad did. Sins of the father, and all.
Now, I’ve managed to climb back into a good position- I have my daughter, an extremely good job (of which all the other assistants are female- I just happened to get started off as a temp, and clicked with the doc I assist), I’m going to school, and have a specific future before me.
But I tell you, for a few years, it was truly hell.
A wise man once said, “Survival is a privilege which entails obligations.” That’s why I volunteer at a youth homeless shelter…I know how they’ve ended up there, and I’ve come real close myself to being on the street. Now that can, I try to give back, ’cause I know what it’s like to be that scared.
You need anything, you say so Steff. You got my e-mail, and I’ve got your donation button.
Told you coyotes are good luck…
Anonymous / Me — Well, I have to say, I’m actually really glad I’ve been having all these money woes for the last year. Before that, I was always the kind of person who lived beyond my means by $150 – 200 a month, if not more, and it always added up, and I was always stressed out, etc. I’ve been in this boat financially for, oh, just about a year now, with some periods more flush than others.
Sometimes the harder choices have to be made in order for us to pursue what we really want. Me, I’m going after that writing-for-a-living thing, and have more or less left a really stressful work scenario with doctor’s orders, etc, but was waiting to see if I’d get approved for EI. It just took a long time. Ironic — leaving for stress, then having to be in more stress. Quite fun.
But I get a lot out of these so-called hard times, because I find I always learn new things about life, etc. So, while it sucks to be within an inch of not making rent, I’m more appreciative of all the little things I have in my life… and the fact that I’m coming into great new good things, too.
Now that I can pay my rent — I’m certainly not rich, but I don’t give a shit about being rich, I just care about eating — I’m pretty much on the verge of being blissed out. Throw The Guy, my fever breaking, Spring on the rise, etc, into the mix, and I’m getting to be a pretty happy camper.
(PS: Glad you liked the Weekend Blues one. I was pretty satisfied with that piece myself. :)
Coyote — It’s good you didn’t cut and run. I don’t know about you, but abdicating responsibilities never leaves me feeling any good.
Yeah, I’m not much of a volunteer-er, but I figure if I write honestly about my experiences, maybe folks can learn something from my experiences/mistakes. Pride’s overrated. ;)
I’d never turn down a donation. Heh. But yeah, right now I’m in a better scenario, and maybe that’ll change down the road. Holding get-out-of-dodge cards until they’re needed might be wise for me. :)
Talking about poverty reminded me of a politically incorrect joke: the UN decided to conduct a poll. The question was: “What is your honest opinion about the deficit of food in some countries”? The poll failed because no one understood the question. Eastern Europe didn’t know what they meant by honest, Western Europe didn’t understand the concept of deficit. In Africa they didn’t know what food meant, and in China, the didn’t know about opinions. The USA didn’t know that other contries existed.