Oh well. Now that that’s out of the way, let me add some very interesting and disturbing news to the conversation.

do you or one of your lovers suffer from depression? Are you seeing a specialist (shrink) and/or getting med’s for said depression?

BINGO. You’ve just discovered one of the major side effects of anti-depression medicine. I kind of like to kiddingly call it the ANTI-SEX medicine.
(gee maybe we could give that to all the boys/girls in HS, until they all get married? Oh. it was done, and was a book. sorry.

At any rate, my beloved and I both suffer thru drugs to help us through various ailments (oh, getting old sucks!)
and we occassionaly will kiss in bed, and aftwards rate it the way we did our lovemaking years ago… Oh that was a 10.

Sigh.

At any rate, I may be getting ready to try the blue pill, and if so, will let you know how it looks

But to you, steph’s (and maybe even my (hint hint) future readers )
I give you that little bit of advice.

Oh, and given the ups and downs I’ve had? I’d rather take the pills, and have it depress the sex drive and functionality then go back to the hells I used to inhabit.

Markbnj

4:33 PM, October 11, 2006

I’m a male, 27 years old, who just recently started having sex. And, I had some (very surprising, to me) erection problems, due to performance anxiety.

But, the wonderful thing, is that the woman I’m seeing, who is 35, and otherwise just a great person, understands that this is perfectly normal. She reassures me that this happens to lots of guys. She knows that it’s not any reflection of how attractive she is to me. And, after a few nights with her, I think the problem is starting to go away. (And a cock ring is really helping until it does!)

Z does this thing sometimes where she’ll get an impish grin on her face before I’m really ready and take the whole spongy thing in her mouth and slurp around with her tounge. It feels AMAZING. And, having been with her for a very long time, I know that she doesn’t have any particular expectation in mind when she does this. In my head, I’m going “think small think small think small”. lol

I have thought of the blue pill for a special occasion, but I haven’t tried it yet. I think it might be fun to try once or twice, but I don’t think I would make a regular habit of it. So far, getting older (over 40) has only improved our sex. We’re both more attentive, willing to try new things, and comfortable when things don’t go as expected.

I quote *eh hem*

Why is marijuana not legal? Why is marijuana not legal?
It’s a natural plant that grows in the dirt.
Do you know what’s not natural?
80 year old dudes with hard-ons. That’s not natural.
But we got pills for that.
We’re dedicating all our medical resources to keeping the old guys erect,
but we’re putting people in jail for something that grows in the dirt?

Now smoke a bowl before you get intimate kids… I find it helps me actually.

There are exceptions, obviously. I’m kind of speaking to the “common” person, and again, the “occasional” experience.

When it’s every time, there’s something wrong, and things need to be addressed. If the guy doesn’t care, it’s hard to be a woman and not take it personally, and not be affected, and I empathize for your scenario.

It’s really important that both partners care, and sadly, they won’t always.

Oh, the conundrums.

But I think what pisses me off is just, you know, the 27-year-old chick who thinks it’s a travesty that her guy didn’t get hard for her after she made him a roast beef, you know what I’m saying? If it’s a once-every-now-and-then scenario, then that’s just life, and I think a lot of chicks need to tune into that.

It’s hard to address everything in these posts, and considering I’ve never experienced repeated dysfunction, it’s not something I’m always thinking about, y’know what I mean? Ignorance/bliss/etc?

I just want to put in a note that sometimes it’s hard “just to get over ourselves”

When things don’t go well, I just want the girl to lay with me and touch me. Don’t show sympathy but don’t be indifferent either. Just be there with me and make it clear that you still desire me all the same. Show some affection and I’ll soon forget about what just happened. It can feel very lonely laying next to someone who shows zero affection when you’re upset about something like this.

Now when I respond sexually to a girl and things go well, I know it’s more than just a physical attraction that’s making it work. I do wish it was easier for me, but in the end it’s helping me find the right girl.

On a personal note, I’ve had a very long, winding road of sexual discovery. One thing I’ve learned of late is almost exactly what you focused on – sex is not about the orgasm. Sex has never been about my orgasm, rather hers. I coveted her orgasm – for her pleasure and surely the self-satisfied awe of “Wow, I caused that.” I see now that the power of sex is the communion of intimacy where orgasm may play a part but is not the equal of intimacy.

Simply put, joy of sex is the joy of each other…whether they be exploding or not.

Been there done that and well lets just say even with stellar effort on the female’s part, sometimes shit just can’t happen and it sucks…

The mental side of it is the hardest as a guy…not being able to get it up is like not having a penius…it makes simple things change, things like the smell, the touch and the feeling of lying beside a woman completly different…can’t really explain it…

Until you have lived with a medical issue making “erections” impossible…you have no idea how much that morning wood means to being a man when it comes back after being gone for so long :)

Oh yeah, and because I was on meds for quite a while…it took a while for things to “come out right”…