Sarah

Great posts on this topic. I’m curious about a couple of things. As a man, when I’m restrained, I love to be blindfolded and teased – all the mix ‘n’ match, unexpected stuff as you describe. The tactile sensations, the scents, tastes. Nothing like it when my eyes are blindfolded with one of my lover’s silk scarves (especially if it has traces of her scent on it).

But let’s face it – I’m a man and I love the visual stuff too. A chemise strap slowly sliding down her arm, her nipples hardening as she becomes more aroused, and so on. So for me, part of the mix and match is very definitely part blindfolded, part seeing.

By the way – your pointer on using a housecoat belt is a good one. I now use the thick towelling belts from my dressing gowns. A couple of turns around the wrist, a nice square knot and a handily-located drawer pull and … ta-da! Comfortable, secure, zero chafing, zero circulation problems.

I realise that you are a poll of one – but you seem to be very in touch with this stuff. What works for you? Do you like loose, symbolic restraint when you are the tie-ee, or do you like writhing against very snug ties? Do you like being sightless, seeing everything that’s coming, or a mix of the two? What about gagging? I’ve never tried it with a lover – I can’t see how you can actually silence someone without risking suffocation, but the Alex Comfort image of the “bubbles being trapped in the champagne bottle’ intrigues me. Any experience? Any pointers? More on this topic please Steff!

As for abandoning any sub, I’m never more than 15 feet away as I have the world’s smalled apartment — my kitchen’s nearby, and the only reason why I’d do it when they’re restrained is so I have the element of surprise on my side. I would never recommend anyone abandon a bound sub if they weren’t close enough to react. No, I didn’t explain that well. Sometime I’ll edit it and include that.

Still, you pissed me off in how you’ve handled your criticism. Offend much? Geez.

Bloggers, steff might have an ‘honest, yet gentle manner’, but take all her advice with a grain of salt, and exercise your OWN COMMON SENSE in any case. SHe is correct that the focus is all about the sub, just make sure that you take that statement to heart, and keep ALL your focus on the sub once you’ve rendered them helpless. Avoid disaster by preparing properly, not just for securing them, but for FREEING them quickly, if it should become necessary (another reason to learn a bit more about knots, without going overboard!).

Also your last statement about being bound against a tree being inherently unsafe? WFT?! Someone certainly could be bound to a tree in the safety and seclusion of their own fenced in backyard, without fear of discovery, and be completely safe, and entirely in control of their environment. If you’re going to provide a column ostensibly offering kink advice to newcomers, you really have to exercise a bit more effort to separate your own prejudices OUT of your responses. YOu wanna be the Dr. Ruth of kink?! Then take on a bit more responsibility and put a bit more effort into providing open-ended, and helpful responses, instead of a personal list of your likes and dislikes.

Haaa — Thanks. No, I’ve never been tied to a tree, and never want to be. I’ve done public sex in many places, many ways, but that holds zero interest to me. It heightens the vulnerability of the one being bound, and I’m just not into the potential humiliation or whatever might result from that. Sex, for me, is about safety and trust, and to have those, you need to have more control over your environment. Being bound against a tree? Has nothing of that.

John — I want to. I’m working on it. Easier said than done.

~Vix