Comments on: Q&A: "You Can Make Me Come, But We Can’t Fuck"

By: virgin

virgin — Wed, 05 Jul 2006 01:50:00 +0000

I long missed the boat on this one, but here's my two cents...

I think you summed it up best in your follow-up post. 'As for abstinence – feeling guilty about it, questioning it… Abstinence is a hard, hard road to choose. You’ll have weak moments'.

When it comes to men, I have more weak moments than strong. Virgin I may be, but innocent I am not. This post comes as something of a slap in the face or kick in the arse, but a well-earned one.

By: Sea Change

Sea Change — Sat, 27 May 2006 01:35:00 +0000

ONE more thing... I apologize; I should've combined my comments into one.

If you are uncomfortable with someone enough to warrant not wanting to have intercourse with them, how is it that you are comfortable enough to do other sexual things with them?

Maybe your problem is that you need to find someone else to experiment with. Someone that you CAN trust.

By: Sea Change

Sea Change — Sat, 27 May 2006 01:29:00 +0000

One more comment:

Sex without pregnancy is VERY 'possible' -- if it were not, practically every woman in this country, and in this world, would be pregnant.

Come on. Go to Planned Parenthood and learn a thing or two.

All I am hearing are excuses.

By: Sea Change

Sea Change — Sat, 27 May 2006 01:26:00 +0000

I believe that if you do everything BUT have sex, you are playing a game with the people you are fooling around with (how ironic that that phrase describes what you do so perfectly)-- and that is not a nice thing to do.

I think most virgins play with people like that, because when they are a virgin, they have some sort of "power" over people. When otherwise, they would feel like the other person involved would have the power.

I think this is cruel, and it gives women a bad name. It's okay to tease, but it is not okay to wave something in front of someone and NEVER give it up.

Shame, shame, shame.

By: j

Sat, 27 May 2006 00:53:00 +0000

I sent in my question ages ago (the virgin one...and Steff answered)

In my head I've always thought 'wait for marriage'.
Not a lot of opportunity has come my way so this has been and easy standard to hold.

Until recently when I have been questioned about this thinking/reasoning.
I put a lot of thought into this person's question to me.
What I have boiled it down to is that at this point in life I just cannot be bothered to 'just do it'. Lack of sex has not killed me thus far in life and I do not forsee that it will in the near future (drive me bloody insane at times yes but not kill me).
As well I realized that i am worth someone committing to. I want to commit to someone as well. This is the true value for me in waiting.

And anyone wondering as to what other stuff I may have gotten up to? Not a whole heck of a lot!!

By: oral fan

oral fan — Fri, 26 May 2006 23:02:00 +0000

Hey, “it ain’t immoral if it’s only oral”

Nothing wrong with leaving something for after the wedding though. As long as you’re pretty sure the body parts will fit together.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Fri, 26 May 2006 21:52:00 +0000

What’s wrong with deciding not to have full on intercourse?
If you aren’t comfortable with a particular sexual activity, then you aren’t.
How is it anymore hypocritical then saying I am ok with regular sex but I’m not comfortable with being tied up; its very trust intensive as well, but not everyone is interested in it.
Everyone has limits to what they are willing to do.

By: fia

fia — Fri, 26 May 2006 18:25:00 +0000

these days, especially for the late teen and twenty-something age groups, i think that the cultural values surrounding sex dictate that oral sex, manual stimulation (and certainly masturbation), are not as serious or as intimate as intercourse. i don’t necessarily agree with this, but i see that people find it easy to trade sexual favors but might not, because of the emphasis placed on intercourse and its relative meaning, feel comfortable with intercourse. i don’t think that there is anything wrong with this, although the devaluation of intimacy in other sexual acts bothers me. as long as one is honest, i don’t think it is hypocrisy, i think its emotional issues and social conditioning.
however, i don’t think this person is being honest with herself, or with her partners.

By: Shakes

Shakes — Fri, 26 May 2006 17:30:00 +0000

The question doesn’t say anything about the reason – there’s no mention of religion or morality or what have you.
I think this is not hypocritical. I might even go so far as to say that it’s admirable. I think sexual outercourse should be encouraged as much as possible. One can benefit from the pleasure of physical initmacy without “penis-in-vagina sex.”

By: Hanh

Hanh — Fri, 26 May 2006 14:09:00 +0000

As much as I like to be brutally honest with people, the anonymous who did start this does sort of have a good reason for saying she’s waiting till marriage and not telling her boyfriend the truth. Imagine trying to explain to a guy that one of the reasons you won’t sleep with him is because there’s a lack of needed intimacy or trust. With all the other stuff they’ve been up, something tells me the poor kid’s brain would pop a gasket. [Queue confused cartoon head with smoking coming out of it's ears.]