I will keep writing as long as I’m able. The trouble with writing is, when life gets hard, it’s really complicated getting the inspiration to write anything worthwhile.

As for my antics re sex and such, I’ve sort of opted to stop revealing much of my private life. I’m still with the Guy, things are still complicated, we’re working on ‘em, but I really fucked up and overstepped my bounds by airing our dirty laundry, and I’ve decided that the best way to prevent that happening again is to simply not write much about the relationship at all. :P Sometimes you’ll get little nuggets, just not as many as before.

As far as writing as a whole goes, with the threat of possibly being completely unemployed and no safety net (governmental or otherwise) under me, writing’s the least of my concerns until I know where I stand. My old job may come through with a guaranteed minimum of hours, which I’ll hear more of later today, but this morning, I’m nerve-filled and working on my resume.

I see nothing wrong with ambition, and I see nothing wrong with saying I am unequivacolly unhappy with where I’m at in my life. And I am NOT alone in that.

I’m not claiming I’m noble. The opposite, really. I’m unsatisfied with what I’ve achieved, I’ve had to take a big risk to go after it, and I’m about to tuck tail, call it in, and go back to the grind. That’s a lack of pride, if anything. I’d do it again, yeah, but I’m not happy about it. I’m resigned to reality over dreams, really, and I’m unhappy with feeling that resignation. I believe most people who feel it know exactly what I mean.

You’re kidding yourself if you think MOST people are happy with the 9-5. Maybe they’re happy with what they do, but I bet most people would be thrilled to cut their hours by a third, at least. Own more of their lives. Where’s the nobility in having to work for someone else all the time? There are people who love what they do. Good for them. Most people are working for someone else who takes too big a share of the pie, and they’re suitably not rewarded well enough. That’s just reality. Just because it’s the way things go does not make it the right thing. It’s unfair how much we have to work for others in order to put food on the table and pay for a roof. When did you consent to your time having the dollar figure on it that it does? Why is HIS time worth more than mine? I’m not some disgruntled anarchist; I’m just an average girl wondering why. That’s all. There’s nothing wrong with these questions, and they ought to be asked more.

I ain’t painting myself as some happy-to-be-hungry suffering-for-kicks artist, ‘cos I tell you one thing: I’d soon as hell be making $75K a year or more. I have no qualms with money or success, and don’t believe I need to look hungry in order to have integrity. You got the wrong girl there.

I — I’m trying. I have a plan, but plans don’t always work out, and pigs don’t fly, but I’m trying. :)

Haa — I wouldn’t stop the blog, I just know productivity would go down, that’s all. But thank you. :)

If you want to be a starving artist and that’s what makes you happy, great. But that doesn’t make you any more noble that someone who made a fortune in business, or even someone who “settled down” and got married and led a “stable” life, it just means you have different values.

I just don’t like it when people act as though people who work 9-5 are not “fulfilled” or something.

Without sounding like an informercial, I just want to tell you if writing is your ‘thing’ (and it sure looks to be from my reading of your blog), then you need to spend all of your energy in trying to become your dream.

I might not be an expert, but I do know that there are staircases in our lives that lead to dark places, but at the top, there’s usually a light switch.

:)

Security isn’t real, you know. It’s an illusionary feeling that some people have, but nevetheless, it isn’t real. Someone can come in here right now and take this all away from me. I would have to scramble and grovel my way back up. I’ve been up and down the stairs a few times to know.

I don’t know how it happened, but what you wrote is, well, the very exact thing I needed to read after the very exact day that I had. I would miss reading very much. However this turns out for you, I wish you the best.