This Christmas comes with an interesting sensation. I have been having a silent conversation with myself since August, filled with promises that I’d give myself until Christmas to get my shit together and get myself into the headspace of being ready to take on the world in every area of my life.
Starting with the new year, I’ll be dating again and taking chances in all areas, things like wanting to travel, learn to surf, and learn to snowboard. New things. New goals. New places. I began meeting new people earlier this year but all the people I met were just nice and interesting. No one has really challenged me or made me feel like I had to live up to them, you know what I mean?
I’m not sure what I’m looking for, exactly, but I do know that I’m looking.
Which brings me back to my opening. Today I have that keen sense of anticipation that the New is almost here. It’s my launching-off point.
I simplified my life this week. My posting from a couple days ago, about dread and fear and complications, has been resolved. Not a problem anymore. Dread? Gone. Replaced with optimism and hope.
But I’m still here, still on the verge of that plateau. Before I get there, I’ve got to finish cleaning up, get over my cold, prepare a wicked, decadent dinner for friends and family on Christmas eve, get drunk on port and wine with all of my favourite people, clean up again, hang out for a couple days with my older brother, and then: Bold new life, here I come.
I heard a quote lately that I really dug: Dream as if you’re gonna live forever, but live as if you’re gonna die today. So, I want to try and be that, live that. If I have a New Year’s Resolution, it’s to really live every single day for the next year. Every single day, do something that makes that day something unto its own. It doesn’t need to be huge, crazy. It will be fun sometimes to have it be huge, crazy, but other days I’d like meaningful and surprising, if small (or not).
And now for something completely different. When I originally posted this, I was totally obnoxious and a bit rude, so I apologize for the obnoxious posting, and this has been edited.
A guy emailed me something that just made me shaking my head, and I guess I should share. He asked, “feel free not to answer this but having all those car accidents and health injuries are your female parts all working can u still have a baby.” Me, I thought the question was a bit much, but I guess that’s the pandora’s box I’ve opened for myself.
And can I still have kids? Well, who cares? I don’t want them. I’m sure I can, but had that been the only lasting injury, I’d probably have been a really, really happy camper.
5 Comments
I really hope you have a good Christmas, and that your plans for the New Year come to fruition.
I enjoy reading your blog and can’t wait to see you achieve what you want – to live for today.
That wasn’t a dumb question, just an ignorant response. You put your injuries and accidents on display here for all to see (”I’m a toughie, see?”), perhaps as a badge of honor, perhaps to prove something to yourself or to others. But you should really think about why you put so much time and energy into writing about those injuries. They do indeed leave more than physical scars, and perhaps your “dumb question” response touched one of those inner scars.
You open your life up on this blog; within that context, it was a good question.
It was a bit bitchy of me, wasn’t it. I probably would’ve normally taken that line out pretty quick, the obnoxious one I had at the end. I’ve taken it out now. You make an interesting point.
I think the majority of my writing on my injuries has been in the context of the rehabbing pain I get when I’m trying to get fit, not in sexual terms, so I guess that’s why it took me by surprise that someone would ask it. But whatever. Thanks for putting me in my place (no, really).
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Jase, thanks! :) Merry Christmas to you.
Steff,
And it was bitchy of me. I should have been a little more explanatory, and used a different word than “ignorant.” You probably have an idea of who I am–I posted under anonymously accidentally (I usually post under a blogger ID, and didn’t notice the mistake until I checked today).
But I hear ya on the injuries. I think one of the things I really enjoy about your blog is your discussions of your injuries and rehab(s). We’d have fun comparing notes on what a body can endure, and recover from. I’ve broken too many bones–and the concussions…yup, they’re bad.
It was, in the end, an…oddly phrased question (and I’ll give you creepy, too, but it’s hard to place why).
Have a good Christmas.
And thanks for blogging. Yours are my two favorites.
Heh, it’s okay. I have to be able to take the criticism if I’m going to do what I do. You had me thinking when I was shopping, though, and it occurred to me that maybe subconsciously I keep bringing up the injuries in a way of reminding myself that I *am* tough, and I *am* resilient, so instead of thinking “well, I can’t do that because I had X injury”, I should be thinking of how many injuries I’ve made it past and celebrating just how well I’ve gotten past them. It’s funny how a small matter of perspective can change things so drastically.
So, I’m not offended. I should be put in my place now and then. If I disagreed, though, you’d be sure to hear THAT too. :)