Category Archives: Humour

Mar
27
2009

In Vino Veritas: Turning Points

[One of those into-and-almost-done-a-bottle-of-wine postings. Bear with me here.]
So, Mission: Get a Life is underway.
Making friends, for me? Not very hard. Not if I am myself. If I’m relaxed, content, sociable, people warm to me quickly and easily. And why not? I’m a good person. Better yet, I’m funny. I even make the aesthete’s basic [...]

By A Scribe Called Steff | Also posted in Current Events, Dating, Dimestore Philosophy, Journalling, Lifestyle | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Comments (1)
Mar
12
2009

Arousing — Er, Awaking the Beast

I’m at my breaking point, I suspect. My resolve isn’t very resolved anymore.
I have this incredibly awesome gift most people would KILL for. When I’m not sexually involved, I can flip my libido off like a lightswitch. It’s why I’m so content to not date. Because dating just toys with my resolve. Once I’m on [...]

By A Scribe Called Steff | Also posted in Being single, Dating, Foreplay & Arousing, Hygiene & Health, Romance, Sex, Specifically Steff | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Comments (4)
Feb
20
2009

In Vino Veritas: Of Bananas And Hotties

I’m drunkish. I feel obligated to write for you. But you’ll take obligated, won’t you? Yeah, that’s human nature.
Stringing thoughts together might be a challenge. But. It’s not like I get graded on this, right?
It’s been a weird day. I’ll get into that in a minute, but you need the prelude first.
I was up at [...]

By A Scribe Called Steff | Also posted in Best of Steff, Dating, Journalling, Opinion (Editorial & Commentary), Sex, Specifically Steff, weight loss | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Comments (5)
Feb
14
2009

Woe is You? Oh, ho! Woe is US!

I’m giving a few people a stay of execution on Twitter.
Soon, the unfollows will commence, as I seek to find new folks to fill my ADHD hours with.
Who’s in danger of getting the axe? Anyone who keeps whining.
See, I’ll bitch. Bitching’s good. I encourage rants and bitching. I even encourage being argumentative and incendiary. (Obviously. [...]

By A Scribe Called Steff | Also posted in Advice, Best of Steff, Dating, Dimestore Philosophy, Ethics, General, Opinion (Editorial & Commentary), Society, Steff Rants, Twitter | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Comments (4)
Feb
10
2009

The Annual Anti-Valentine’s Posting: 2009 Edition

Every year, without fail, I’m forced to write yet another posting saying pretty much all the same things. Like, if you can’t be romantic the rest of the year, you don’t deserve a lover. If you can’t remember to live with passion when it’s not February 14th, then you’re wasting oxygen.

By A Scribe Called Steff | Also posted in Consumerism, Dating, Lifestyle, Lust & Longing, Marriage & Other Commitments, Opinion (Editorial & Commentary), Sex, Society, Steff Rants | Tagged , , , , , , | Comments (9)
Jan
21
2009

7 More Things You Maybe Didn’t Know About Me

I got tagged for this meme for a second time, this time by JamieLD. The first time was here. And why not just brush it off and say “But I did it already?” Huh? Why?
Well, I’ll tell you. ‘Cos, like, there ARE 14 things about me you don’t know. How do ya like them apples? [...]

By A Scribe Called Steff | Also posted in Best of Steff, Journalling, Opinion (Editorial & Commentary), Specifically Steff, Twitter | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments (3)
Jan
06
2009

The Museum of Penis

I’m unlikely to ever, ever be interested in the Museum of Sex if it’s going to be this misogynistic before I even put foot in the door. I mean, if there was a woman anywhere on this creative team, I’ll eat my bra. And it has an underwire!

By A Scribe Called Steff | Also posted in Dating, History, Men's Department, Modern Feminism, Opinion (Editorial & Commentary), Sex, Sexism, Society, Steff Rants | Tagged , , , , , | Comments (5)
Dec
04
2008

Poor Little Scooter

We here in Vancouver live on the Wet Coast. This city literally is in a rainforest. There’s around 1,200 mm of rain a year. 45 inches for you Imperialists down south. With 10% of that rain falling in the summer months, you can imagine the fun that is the winter here in Vancouver. Wanna get [...]

By A Scribe Called Steff | Also posted in Journalling, Specifically Steff | Tagged , , , , | Comments (2)
Nov
22
2008

My Clitoris & I Wrote My Toilet Paper Manufacturer

Dear Toilet Paper Manufacturer:
You lied.
You said your paper was soft and pure. It is, you claim, a “premium” paper.
Sadly, my clitoris disagrees.
I don’t know if you realize, but girl parts are sensitive. Nice soft fleshy bits, hypersensitive to touch and even sensation? Very?
My clitoris feels your product isn’t premium. That it, in fact, is [...]

By A Scribe Called Steff | Also posted in Consumerism, Opinion (Editorial & Commentary), Sex, Society, Specifically Steff, Women's Department | Tagged , , , , | Comments (4)
Oct
28
2008

Good Times Ahead? Let’s Hope.

I normally write mornings, but I feel really good right now. In every sense. I want to remember it now, rather than chance it ebbs away during the night.
It’s times like these I remember why I never wanted to go to bed as a child: I was very, very scared life would go on without [...]

By A Scribe Called Steff | Also posted in General, Hygiene & Health, Journalling | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Comments (0)
Oct
23
2008

Am I Really Channelling Dorothy Parker?

Watching Raymond Chandler’s The Big Sleep with Humphrey Bogart this morning had me waxing nostalgic on my Twitter feed.

smuttysteff I think I was born in the wrong decade. I think I should’ve been some bitchy vixen singing jazz in the ’30s.
smuttysteff The kind who laughed and blew smoke in mens’ faces. Yup.
DavidStephenson [...]

By A Scribe Called Steff | Also posted in Dimestore Philosophy, General, Journalling, Psychology & Moods, Society, Specifically Steff, Twitter | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Comments (2)
Sep
29
2008

What If Our Lives Were Movies?

I’m officially 35 today. Time flies when you’re having fun.
As a result of my birthday, though, I’ve been thinking a lot about life and love.
I still haven’t been bothering getting back into the dating after taking this month off of it, thanks to a persistent yeast infection that has me pretty frustrated (but is starting [...]

By A Scribe Called Steff | Also posted in Dating, General, Journalling, Opinion (Editorial & Commentary) | Tagged , , , , , | Comments (4)
Sep
25
2008

Call for Gifts! Call for Gifts!

You people realize you only have four days left to get me a birthday present before I turn 35, right? I mean, SNAP, SNAP, here.
Time to get crack-a-lackin’! I mean, the ripe age of 35? Gifts cushion the blow, I’m told!
If you’re having troubles choosing what to appease my voracious appetite for life with? [...]

By A Scribe Called Steff | Also posted in General, Journalling | Tagged , , , , | Comments (2)
Sep
20
2008

Don’t Mind Her; It’s Just Hormones

Men may balk if they see this is about periods, but they really should read it, methinks, for a little perspective.
Yesterday, during the afternoon of my Shitty, Shitty Day, I got my period. In the space of about 30 minutes, my eye infection suddenly started flushing itself out, and my emotions just totally took a [...]

By A Scribe Called Steff | Also posted in Best of Steff, Hygiene & Health, Opinion (Editorial & Commentary), Psychology & Moods, Society, Steff Rants, Women's Department | Tagged , , , , , , | Comments (9)
Sep
19
2008

My Bad, Bad Week: More Than You Need To Know

I couldn’t possibly feel more unattractive than I do today. Except maybe if I had an 8-inch goiter growing out of my neck and crumbling teeth or something.
I have an eye infection that has my left eye with this just-throttled-by-Rocky swollen-bloodshot look going on. That’s fun. Really.
Because that wasn’t fun enough, I’ve also come down [...]

By A Scribe Called Steff | Also posted in Best of Steff, Current Events, General, Journalling, Specifically Steff, Steff Rants, Women's Department | Tagged , , , , , | Comments (2)
Sep
13
2008

There Can Be Only One: Steff Versus the Roach

If I ever needed me a man-slave, tonight’s the night. He could do me a little cleanin’.
My ever-so-brilliant landlords are this major conglomerate from back east. “Back east” is what we disenfranchised forgotten West Coast Canadians call Ontario, which is sort of east but hardly East, since a couple thousand kilometres of country flank it… [...]

By A Scribe Called Steff | Also posted in Best of Steff, Current Events, Hygiene & Health, Opinion (Editorial & Commentary), Specifically Steff, Steff Rants | Tagged , , , , | Comments (9)
Sep
11
2008

When Fighting Gets Fun

I love wrestling with lovers. The not-so-grudge match.
And while I put up a hell of a fight, and even like to win sometimes, the truth is, losing ain’t so bad at all. You have to admit, this is one time that losing really isn’t losing.
There’s a little incentive to suddenly just not resisting anymore. Smirking [...]

By A Scribe Called Steff | Also posted in Dating, Sex | Tagged , | Comments (1)
Sep
04
2008

Steff the Singing Fool

Opera Man always makes me smile.
There are a few Vancouver characters that the locals who’ve been here for years know about. Like the Rock-Art Guy. Or Opera Man.
Over the the 12 years I’ve lived in Vancouver proper, once in a truly blue moon the cosmos aligns ever so fortunately, and I luck out and happen [...]

By A Scribe Called Steff | Also posted in Best of Steff, General, Journalling, Loving and Knowing Yourself, Opinion (Editorial & Commentary), Self-Love & Self-Esteem, Society, Specifically Steff | Tagged , , , , , , | Comments (6)
Sep
02
2008

The Most Annoying Conversation

I had a chance to go to a huge party Saturday night, but I decided I wasn’t very much on my social game, and that a simple one-on-one conversation would be better suited for the day I should have after a long week, so I made plans for a drink with someone instead.
Well, so much [...]

By A Scribe Called Steff | Also posted in Best of Steff, Communication, Dating, Journalling, Steff Rants | Tagged , , , , | Comments (7)
Sep
01
2008

In Case You Still Don’t Think He’s a Diiiirty Ol’ Man

By A Scribe Called Steff | Also posted in General, Opinion (Editorial & Commentary), Politics, Video Clips | Tagged , , , , | Comments (3)
Aug
24
2008

Are You Stalking Me Yet?

You too can follow me on Twitter.com, where once in a while I might say something spontaneous, like:
house: 95% clean. floors: 85% clean. laundry: 100% clean. mind: 95% dirty. some situations of filth just can’t be helped.

Think of it as nibblie crumbs of my blog. And my otherwise ordinary life.

By A Scribe Called Steff | Also posted in Best of Steff, Specifically Steff, Twitter | Tagged , , , | Comments (1)
Aug
13
2008

Further Notes on My Underwhelming Weekend Sex

Yesterday, I made rather not-so-subtle reference to the fact that I finally got laid last weekend in this posting. I wasn’t going to say anything, really, because I was decidedly underwhelmed by the experience.
But then, you know, I thought, “It’s for the greater good! People must know!” So, without getting into detail here, let’s [...]

By A Scribe Called Steff | Also posted in Best of Steff, Dating, Journalling, Sex, Specifically Steff, Steff Rants, casual sex, dysfunction | Tagged , , , | Comments (7)