Category Archives: Humour

Jan
18
2010

RANT: “Whine, Whine. #FML! Fuck My Life!”

ED. NOTE: This posting is meant for people who say “FML” and mean it. Like they say, people love the internet because they get to whine on it, and that’s fine. Go ahead, grumble. Just be interesting about it! And don’t be some snivelling fuckwit hyperbolizing and going “FML” because you woke up 30 minutes [...]

By A Scribe Called Steff | Also posted in Dimestore Philosophy, Life 101, Opinion (Editorial & Commentary), Society, Steff Rants, Twitter, existentialism, keeping it real | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Comments (11)
Oct
03
2009

Giving Myself a Headshake

I’m having one of those days.
I’m having a dislike-myself day. Or is it discontent with myself? ‘Cos I like myself way much and feel it’s worth taking action to end some of the feelings I’ve got today.
The content of my internal dialogue today is staying internal, I’m afraid. No nitty-gritty deets for you people.
But this [...]

By A Scribe Called Steff | Also posted in Being me, Journalling, Life 101, Opinion (Editorial & Commentary), Psychology & Moods, Self-Love & Self-Esteem, Specifically Steff, keeping it real | Comments (1)
Sep
30
2009

In Which Steff Had The Worst Birthday Ever

The Age Fairy brought me another birthday. Don’t worry, I won’t spend it all in one place.
I got up this morning and I was at least 2.76% wiser. That’s pretty cool. Take what you can get in a recession, eh?
All I got for my birthday, really, is this curious sense of “What now?” that comes [...]

By A Scribe Called Steff | Also posted in Hygiene & Health, Journalling, Specifically Steff | Tagged , , , , , | Comments (13)
Sep
09
2009

Dating Options 101: Whatchagot

I had too much wine on Saturday night, wrote this. Didn’t publish it for fear I might’ve said too much. In vino veritas and all. So here’s the version you see. :)
I’m being antisocial. Again. I’m at that point where people are draining me, so I know I need my time to myself.
Some guy’s aggressively [...]

By A Scribe Called Steff | Also posted in Dating, Journalling, Romance, Specifically Steff | Tagged , , , , , , , | Comments (2)
Sep
07
2009

When We Were Kids: Growing Up John Hughes

I’ve been foiled by the evil estrogenies on my long weekend Monday, and my monthly female visitor is making its presence known. Happily, I’m now medicated.
More happily, TiVo ate some Breakfast Club and is serving it up fresh for me this morning — one of those few movies I can recite more than half. It’s [...]

By A Scribe Called Steff | Also posted in Dating, Dimestore Philosophy, Education, General, Hollywood, Life 101, Opinion (Editorial & Commentary), Society, Specifically Steff | Comments (1)
Aug
24
2009

Yet Another Reason You Should Buy a Vibrator

I don’t have much of a garden — three tomato plants and four basils — but I’m deeply attached to the bounty and willing to put in the work.
Basil, well, that’s easy enough. Wait until June, plant, water often, eat often, be happy.
Tomatoes? Good god. Apparently they need pollinators! One thing we apartment-dwellers on the [...]

By A Scribe Called Steff | Also posted in Food & Recipes, General, Journalling, Sex Toys & Aids, Specifically Steff, Twitter, keeping it real | Comments (3)
Aug
05
2009

The Top Five Reasons to Lose Weight in a Recession

As you may or may not know, I’ve lost 75 pounds and replaced my wardrobe completely at least four times now over the last 20 months, as the economy has slid deeper and deeper and the sales grown far more vast and everpresent.
Being a lowly writer-type girl who works to live rather than lives to [...]

By A Scribe Called Steff | Also posted in Hygiene & Health, Life 101, Specifically Steff, weight loss | Tagged , , , , | Comments (2)
Jul
04
2009

Because Every Adventure Needs a Story

Every vacation comes with that one day when Nothing Really Goes As Planned.
For me, that day was Thursday.
I got up early, psyched and ready for a great day. The plan? Throw my bike on a bus and do an extensive cycling tour of Kelowna for my last day in town. I’d pick up some ingredients [...]

By A Scribe Called Steff | Also posted in Journalling, Specifically Steff, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | Comments (2)
Mar
27
2009

In Vino Veritas: Turning Points

[One of those into-and-almost-done-a-bottle-of-wine postings. Bear with me here.]
So, Mission: Get a Life is underway.
Making friends, for me? Not very hard. Not if I am myself. If I’m relaxed, content, sociable, people warm to me quickly and easily. And why not? I’m a good person. Better yet, I’m funny. I even make the aesthete’s basic [...]

By A Scribe Called Steff | Also posted in Current Events, Dating, Dimestore Philosophy, Journalling, Lifestyle | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Comments (1)
Mar
12
2009

Arousing — Er, Awaking the Beast

I’m at my breaking point, I suspect. My resolve isn’t very resolved anymore.
I have this incredibly awesome gift most people would KILL for. When I’m not sexually involved, I can flip my libido off like a lightswitch. It’s why I’m so content to not date. Because dating just toys with my resolve. Once I’m on [...]

By A Scribe Called Steff | Also posted in Being single, Dating, Foreplay & Arousing, Hygiene & Health, Romance, Sex, Specifically Steff | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Comments (4)
Feb
20
2009

In Vino Veritas: Of Bananas And Hotties

I’m drunkish. I feel obligated to write for you. But you’ll take obligated, won’t you? Yeah, that’s human nature.
Stringing thoughts together might be a challenge. But. It’s not like I get graded on this, right?
It’s been a weird day. I’ll get into that in a minute, but you need the prelude first.
I was up at [...]

By A Scribe Called Steff | Also posted in Best of Steff, Dating, Journalling, Opinion (Editorial & Commentary), Sex, Specifically Steff, weight loss | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Comments (5)
Feb
14
2009

Woe is You? Oh, ho! Woe is US!

I’m giving a few people a stay of execution on Twitter.
Soon, the unfollows will commence, as I seek to find new folks to fill my ADHD hours with.
Who’s in danger of getting the axe? Anyone who keeps whining.
See, I’ll bitch. Bitching’s good. I encourage rants and bitching. I even encourage being argumentative and incendiary. (Obviously. [...]

By A Scribe Called Steff | Also posted in Advice, Best of Steff, Dating, Dimestore Philosophy, Ethics, General, Opinion (Editorial & Commentary), Society, Steff Rants, Twitter | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Comments (4)
Feb
10
2009

The Annual Anti-Valentine’s Posting: 2009 Edition

Every year, without fail, I’m forced to write yet another posting saying pretty much all the same things. Like, if you can’t be romantic the rest of the year, you don’t deserve a lover. If you can’t remember to live with passion when it’s not February 14th, then you’re wasting oxygen.

By A Scribe Called Steff | Also posted in Consumerism, Dating, Lifestyle, Lust & Longing, Marriage & Other Commitments, Opinion (Editorial & Commentary), Sex, Society, Steff Rants | Tagged , , , , , , | Comments (9)
Jan
21
2009

7 More Things You Maybe Didn’t Know About Me

I got tagged for this meme for a second time, this time by JamieLD. The first time was here. And why not just brush it off and say “But I did it already?” Huh? Why?
Well, I’ll tell you. ‘Cos, like, there ARE 14 things about me you don’t know. How do ya like them apples? [...]

By A Scribe Called Steff | Also posted in Best of Steff, Journalling, Opinion (Editorial & Commentary), Specifically Steff, Twitter | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments (3)
Jan
06
2009

The Museum of Penis

I’m unlikely to ever, ever be interested in the Museum of Sex if it’s going to be this misogynistic before I even put foot in the door. I mean, if there was a woman anywhere on this creative team, I’ll eat my bra. And it has an underwire!

By A Scribe Called Steff | Also posted in Dating, History, Men's Department, Modern Feminism, Opinion (Editorial & Commentary), Sex, Sexism, Society, Steff Rants | Tagged , , , , , | Comments (5)
Dec
04
2008

Poor Little Scooter

We here in Vancouver live on the Wet Coast. This city literally is in a rainforest. There’s around 1,200 mm of rain a year. 45 inches for you Imperialists down south. With 10% of that rain falling in the summer months, you can imagine the fun that is the winter here in Vancouver. Wanna get [...]

By A Scribe Called Steff | Also posted in Journalling, Specifically Steff | Tagged , , , , | Comments (2)
Nov
22
2008

My Clitoris & I Wrote My Toilet Paper Manufacturer

Dear Toilet Paper Manufacturer:
You lied.
You said your paper was soft and pure. It is, you claim, a “premium” paper.
Sadly, my clitoris disagrees.
I don’t know if you realize, but girl parts are sensitive. Nice soft fleshy bits, hypersensitive to touch and even sensation? Very?
My clitoris feels your product isn’t premium. That it, in fact, is [...]

By A Scribe Called Steff | Also posted in Consumerism, Opinion (Editorial & Commentary), Sex, Society, Specifically Steff, Women's Department | Tagged , , , , | Comments (4)
Oct
28
2008

Good Times Ahead? Let’s Hope.

I normally write mornings, but I feel really good right now. In every sense. I want to remember it now, rather than chance it ebbs away during the night.
It’s times like these I remember why I never wanted to go to bed as a child: I was very, very scared life would go on without [...]

By A Scribe Called Steff | Also posted in General, Hygiene & Health, Journalling | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Comments (0)
Oct
23
2008

Am I Really Channelling Dorothy Parker?

Watching Raymond Chandler’s The Big Sleep with Humphrey Bogart this morning had me waxing nostalgic on my Twitter feed.

smuttysteff I think I was born in the wrong decade. I think I should’ve been some bitchy vixen singing jazz in the ’30s.
smuttysteff The kind who laughed and blew smoke in mens’ faces. Yup.
DavidStephenson [...]

By A Scribe Called Steff | Also posted in Dimestore Philosophy, General, Journalling, Psychology & Moods, Society, Specifically Steff, Twitter | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Comments (2)
Sep
29
2008

What If Our Lives Were Movies?

I’m officially 35 today. Time flies when you’re having fun.
As a result of my birthday, though, I’ve been thinking a lot about life and love.
I still haven’t been bothering getting back into the dating after taking this month off of it, thanks to a persistent yeast infection that has me pretty frustrated (but is starting [...]

By A Scribe Called Steff | Also posted in Dating, General, Journalling, Opinion (Editorial & Commentary) | Tagged , , , , , | Comments (4)
Sep
25
2008

Call for Gifts! Call for Gifts!

You people realize you only have four days left to get me a birthday present before I turn 35, right? I mean, SNAP, SNAP, here.
Time to get crack-a-lackin’! I mean, the ripe age of 35? Gifts cushion the blow, I’m told!
If you’re having troubles choosing what to appease my voracious appetite for life with? [...]

By A Scribe Called Steff | Also posted in General, Journalling | Tagged , , , , | Comments (2)
Sep
20
2008

Don’t Mind Her; It’s Just Hormones

Men may balk if they see this is about periods, but they really should read it, methinks, for a little perspective.
Yesterday, during the afternoon of my Shitty, Shitty Day, I got my period. In the space of about 30 minutes, my eye infection suddenly started flushing itself out, and my emotions just totally took a [...]

By A Scribe Called Steff | Also posted in Best of Steff, Hygiene & Health, Opinion (Editorial & Commentary), Psychology & Moods, Society, Steff Rants, Women's Department | Tagged , , , , , , | Comments (9)