When this blog first began, for its first year or so, it was all sex or relationships that I was writing about. Most of the time, anyhow, as I kept my “personal” writing on another blog. Somewhere along the way, I gave up separating the two.
But as I’m getting into writing my book, something’s got [...]
Today, Andrew Koenig, a respected stand-up comedian and former “background” star in Growing Pains, was found dead, having committed suicide, and not too far from the happy Olympicky goings-on here in Vancouver.
Depression was known to plague Koenig. He got off his anti-depressants sometime last year, and clearly the rest is a story still developing.
I’ve been [...]
By A Scribe Called Steff
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Also posted in Autobiographical, Being me, Dimestore Philosophy, Journalling, Life 101, Opinion (Editorial & Commentary), Psychology & Moods, Society, Specifically Steff, adhd, keeping it real
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(This is the epilogue to my prologue; written about my zipline fear-conquering I wrote before the fact, here.)
Yesterday, I stood at the top of an 8-story-tall tower, strapped into a harness, hooked onto a steel cable, and ziplined 550 feet across Vancouver’s Robson Square.
Holy shit.
I’ve had to get the news my mother was going to [...]
By A Scribe Called Steff
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Also posted in Autobiographical, Being me, Dimestore Philosophy, Life 101, Psychology & Moods, Specifically Steff, Uncategorized
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Tagged adventures, amazing, challenges, changing yourself, fears, payoff, reward, risks, taking chances
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In 2007, I spent 7 months working for a toxic employer.
By the time I left my job, I was close to the highest I’ve ever weighed, at my most negative and always whining, feeling sorry for myself, and feeling pretty hopeless about everything, especially about writing, which I’d been sucking at for nearly a year [...]
By A Scribe Called Steff
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Also posted in Being me, Dimestore Philosophy, Journalling, Opinion (Editorial & Commentary), Specifically Steff, existentialism, keeping it real, writing
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Tagged assessing, attitude, being honest, changing your life, employment, happiness, jobs, making changes, perseverence, perspective, quitting your job, realism, unhappiness
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Rumour has it that Brittany Murphy is dead at 32 from cardiac arrest.
Heart attack, in case you didn’t know, is one of the most common demises after long battles with eating disorders. Why?
“When anorexia has become this severe, the heart is often damaged. Not only is there not enough body fat to keep internal organs [...]
By A Scribe Called Steff
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Also posted in Eating Disorder, Hollywood, Hygiene & Health, Life 101, Loving and Knowing Yourself, Modern Feminism, Opinion (Editorial & Commentary), Society, Steff Rants, keeping it real, weight loss
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Tagged anorexia, beauty magazines, bulimia, Eating Disorder, emotional issues, fashion industry, pressure, unhealthy weight, weight
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At the tender young age of 36, I find myself having to learn infinite new things because of the ways in which I’ve changed myself over the last two years, after a lifetime spent insecure, unhealthy, and fat.
One of those things I’m gonna have to learn now? Flirting. Truth be told, I’m a pretty terrible [...]
I’m having one of those honest-with-myself days. They’re never very much fun, are they?
I’ve been getting increasingly stressed out about several areas of my life, just because it’s coming down to the crunch and probably also because I’m incredibly skilled at making things more difficult than they need to be.
As a result, I’ve had sort [...]
I’m having one of those days.
I’m having a dislike-myself day. Or is it discontent with myself? ‘Cos I like myself way much and feel it’s worth taking action to end some of the feelings I’ve got today.
The content of my internal dialogue today is staying internal, I’m afraid. No nitty-gritty deets for you people.
But this [...]
I’m trying to psyche myself up. A new Post-It Note adorns my television-front with two messages, officially the only mantra-y thingies on my walls right now.
“Motion is lotion” and “Pain is weakness leaving the body.” Maybe now I’ll forget the love affair I’ve recently ignited with my sofa.
It’s the season premiere of The Biggest Loser [...]
When “fat” is your body issue, and I’m talking F-A-T here, there are three places you cannot help but be confronted with your bigness.
The changing room in retail stores, in pay-for-space seating (like amusement parks, theatres, planes), and in your own bathtub.
For several years there, I wasn’t having baths.
“Makes me think of the ideal woman: smart like an academic, jokes like a buddy, sex like a whore, makes chicken pot pie like Paula Deen.” @neilochka
There you have it. I am the ideal. Almost. I’m more a brazen hussy than I am whorey. Can’t help it, I was brought up well. Hussy’s as far [...]
Funny how we get so hung up on our hang-ups we sometimes don’t even notice when they’ve disappeared.*
I was fucking floored Thursday night when I realized the varicose veins I’d been loathing for the last year had suddenly vanished in the last couple months, thanks to my awesome new fitness regime. Poof, gone.
Ironically, I’d already [...]
By A Scribe Called Steff
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Also posted in Best of Steff, Dimestore Philosophy, General, Hygiene & Health, Journalling, Loving and Knowing Yourself, Psychology & Moods, Specifically Steff, fitness, weight loss
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Tagged adapting, being real, changing, getting real, loving yourself, perspective, processing change, self-esteem, self-image, weight loss
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Should be rushing out the door, instead I found myself trying on a variety of clothes.
Tonight, the wardrobe-beefing-up continues with a visit to yet another couple department stores. Old Navy and its ilk can wait till the weekend sometime.
I’m still trying to figure out my new image, and new styles I can now wear that [...]
Fear is not my friend. I don’t care what the bookstore’s self-help section says.
Fear is a bitch. A mean, driven bitch.
I am not a fan of fear.
I bought that book. Twice. Feel The Fear and Do It Anyways. Sometimes I do it anyways. But I always feel the fear. Ever-present, always-niggling fear.
Fortunately I know that [...]
By A Scribe Called Steff
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Also posted in Being single, Dating, Dimestore Philosophy, Journalling, Loving and Knowing Yourself, Modern Feminism, Opinion (Editorial & Commentary), Sex, Specifically Steff, weight loss
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Tagged ambivalence, answers, change, Dating, fear, feminism, fucking up, growth, making right, mistakes, moving on, questions, self
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I had a moment tonight.
My best friend GayBoy (@mr_tits_pervert on Twitter) was over tonight and we were drinking, doing the Silly Thing, and I was off in the bathroom.
I looked in the mirror and I just remembered my mother and how I always thought she was so beautiful. You know, when she wasn’t wearing her [...]
By A Scribe Called Steff
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Also posted in Hygiene & Health, Journalling, Lifestyle, Psychology & Moods, Specifically Steff, Twitter, weight loss
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Tagged family, mothers and daughters, seeing yourself in a new light, struggling, success, weight loss
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My father is morbidly obese, and then some. He’s pushing 400 pounds. His legs are shot. His heart’s riddled with issues. There’s the stepmom’s chain-smoking, his daily dalliances with alcohol despite being told a single drink could kill him, and then there’s the ridiculous Southern diet the wife (who was a nurse for 35 years, is equally morbidly obese, smokes, is never active, and who is also diabetic with heart issues) is always cooking. How about scalloped potatoes in their house? A casserole has a half-stick of butter and a jar of Cheez Whiz. You want sour cream with that? It’s in the fridge.
If there was a textbook “how not to be diabetic” example, it’d be them.
By A Scribe Called Steff
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Also posted in Hygiene & Health, Journalling, Lifestyle, Opinion (Editorial & Commentary), Specifically Steff, weight loss
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Tagged changing yourself, diabetes, family, health, hospitals, how to be successful, lifechange, parenthood, weight loss
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I began this series last month, here’s part one. It’s pretty unstructured, but the early part of the series is focusing on the head game, because without the head game down, you’ll have no success. It’s all in the head game.
The most important thing you need to do if you want to effect serious change [...]
By A Scribe Called Steff
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Also posted in Advice, Best of Steff, General, How To Guides, Hygiene & Health, Lifestyle, Loving and Knowing Yourself, Specifically Steff, weight loss
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Tagged Advice, being better, changing your life, changing yourself, depression, improving yourself, Lifestyle, smutwear, steff is dead long live steff, struggle to change, weight loss
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Two piles of “fat” clothes sit in garbage bags by my front door, waiting to get donated, like the two bags I ditched last week. It’s the end of an era.
I’ve been buying clothes lately, the last two weeks. It’s been emotional hell. I’m about a size 15 now (down from 22/24), and that makes [...]
By A Scribe Called Steff
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Also posted in Advice, Hygiene & Health, Lifestyle, Opinion (Editorial & Commentary), weight loss
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Tagged body image, fat girl no more, Fat Girl No More: How I Lost 50 Pounds, improving yourself, kicking ass and taking names, overcoming weight problems, pride, self-esteem, success, weight loss
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So, a Twitterer made the comment that, with the holidays almost here, the annual malaise of reflection and regret would soon be upon him. And I thought, “Wow, this is gonna be the first time ever I sit down at the end of a year and go, “Holy fuck. I accomplished THAT?””
16 months ago, I [...]
By A Scribe Called Steff
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Also posted in Advice, How To Guides, Hygiene & Health, Journalling, Lifestyle, Loving and Knowing Yourself, Opinion (Editorial & Commentary), Specifically Steff
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Tagged Advice, being better, changing your life, changing yourself, depression, improving yourself, Lifestyle, smutwear, steff is dead long live steff, struggle to change, weight loss
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After a couple months of everything in life feeling like it was a little harder than it needed to be, and life just throwing one sucker punch after another, it feels like the proverbial clouds have parted and ease is raining down upon me.
My week has been busy, as will the next few days be, [...]
A year ago this week, I was hanging on with the grimmest, thinnest of threads, as I completed the last week on a job I probably never should have accepted.
I worked in close quarters with one of the most negative, depressing people I’ve ever known, for six long months. By the end of it, I’d [...]
Body image. Stand any one of us in front of a mirror, ask us to reveal what we dislike about ourselves, and an unhesitating list would be quickly forthcoming.
Industry knows this. They count on it. All the way to the bank.
If you’re happy about yourself, why would you ever spend all that disposable income on [...]
